My celulitus has returned with a vengeance. Within 3 days of the bump re-appearing, I was in the lobby of my Doctor’s office crying. No weeping, no sobbing, just tears streaming down my cheeks as I sat silently in pain, waiting on my name to be called. The pain in my lower leg could only be described as feeling like I had been “hit in the chin with a sledgehammer and my skin felt like it had been set on fire.” My legs were cramping, my mussels contracting and I could hardly walk. My everything hurt. I took a book to read while in the Doctors office waiting room, but the gesture was pointless… the pain was so intense I found myself unable to concentrate on the book long enough to connect words together to make sentences…..my entire body was hurting and my brain seemed to be unable to function while in pain overdrive.
Once I finally made it to the examination room, the nurse weighed me (I am SURE that scale is wrong by the way) took my blood pressure and temperature and asked the usual questions. I sat in the chair in the corner, slouched over my purse, head held firmly in two hands and answered her with as brief of replies and I could. I swear it even hurt to talk. My jaw hurt…. it hand to of been from clenching my teeth together the previous night, while I laid in bed unable to sleep due to the pain……
First my Doctor gave me the blues for not returning for my follow up visit. (Hey, I thought I was getting better……..why waste both of our time and my money?) She then drilled me about not taking care of myself; this illness could kill me if left untreated, etc. etc. (Okay Doc, I got the point you have scared me already just give me my prescription and let me go…..)
She asked me if I had been seeing the specialist for my fibromialgia. I replied “No.” She asked if I thought my joint pain was a fibromialigia flair up due to the infection in my body. I replied, “Hum….not sure, but I can hardly make it up or down the stairs and I am feeling worse than I ever have in my life. Please just give me a shot or something to make this pain stop so I can go back to work.” Tears still flowing….while clutching a hard white tissue in each hand.
She left the room and I could hear she and the nurse (who had been in the room with me previously) talking in low voices in the hall…….Doctor stepped back in the room and said, “Ms. Moore…..your blood pressure…. you have never had a problem with it have you?” I said, “Oh no, as a matter of fact it has always been low, extremely low. So low in fact I use to constantly pass out because of it.” She glanced up from her file just long enough to say, “Well, it’s dangerously high today. So high in fact, you could have a heart attack.”
I said, “A what? Are you sure.” Now I know what a stupid response this was……..but it is exactly what came to my mind. “No, not me….she must have someone else’s chart by mistake. It couldn’t be mine.” She said, “That feeling in your head you mentioned to me, like you have been spun in circles, that is your blood pressure.” I sat on the end of the examination table frozen thinking of how many days I had been feeling like that. It may have even been two weeks.
The tightness in my chest and pain in my back…….it was my blood pressure and not my anxiety disorder although they present themselves almost exactly the same. I get chest pain and/or tightness, difficulty breathing, a pain in my back just on the inside of my left shoulder blade, numb fingertips, tongue and lips.
When it’s bad, its really bad. It shuts me down. I even have a Bach’s flower remedy spray I keep in my purse to squirt in my mouth in the event I am out somewhere when it chooses to rear it’s ugly head. The spray does temporarily help.
She told me that she wanted me to see a dermatologist for my cellulitus, they would need to do a biopsy of the area because she had no idea what we were dealing with. She then said, “I am out of the office Monday so I want you to return on Tuesday….if your blood pressure isn’t down, we will need to put you on medication….if you have any extreme chest pain or start feeling worse, get to the hospital right away.”
I said, “Well, maybe it’s just high because I’m in a lot of pain right now.” She said, “That can elevate it but yours is dangerously high. Please go home and get some rest.’
That is a 4-letter word to me. I don’t know much about resting, I never seem to get any and when I am supposed to rest for one reason or another, it never seems to work out that way. I guess I just don’t REST well. I get sick, go to the Doctors office and get those Doctor’s notes for days off work, telling me I need to rest…….I just ball them up, stuff them into the bottom of my coach bag and head back to work.
But not on this day…I will follow her advise…..I sat in my car looking at the Doctor note, prescription papers and next appointment date cards I held in my hand. I was going to go home and stay in bed for 4 days, just as she requested and try to get some rest.
The heart thing scared me…..and not much scares me. My heart… I have one, that’s about all I know about it….just like yours….. it is always plugging along doing what it’s suppose to do with no interaction, coaxing or friendly reminders from me. It just handles its own business while I handle mine…..while I sleep, play and work. Even while I was in hot pursue of Winston with my freshly air dried line items, it also reminded me that I am no longer a young chick with a great wind span…..I am a middle age, out of shape lady who needs to drop a few pounds and eat a few less fries and a few less burgers. ….but it still kept doing it’s job. Tick, tick, tick.
It is just the thought of it no longer doing what it’s suppose to do and me having absolutely no control over it when and if it decides to stop……..that’s what scares me.
Rest……..I need some rest…..
Just what the Doctor ordered.