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Monthly Archives: October 2005

 

My van has turned into the traveling Dane mobile.  I know I normally carry stuff that is not stuff the average person would carry in their vehicle but this past week my van has became overran with dog stuff.

 

Normally I carry my “Doggie Bag.”  This is a large pink beach tote that I always keep my traveling dog supplies in.  (A road map, gloves, hat scarf, Murphy’s doggie coat, a dog bowl, dog treats, a regular leash and a retractable leash.)  I keep this bag for walks in the park and/or in the event I find a stray dog.  This has happened to me enough times that I am now prepared.

 

Along with the “Doggie Bag” I have carrying around a 40lb bag of dry dog food, a couple cases of canned food, large water bottles for water and doggie treats. 

 

I drove Rosie, Tricia and I to lunch this week and everyone had to move around dog items to get into the van.   

 

Strangely enough this week I have also had an entire computer in the very back of my van.  The computer was a gift to me, but I decided that one of my residents would be thrilled with getting it; so today it will be a door prize at our “Halloween Door Decorating contest.”  The Grand prize winners win a laundry basket filled with household items, cleaning supplies, towels, laundry soap, etc and two tickets to the Golden Coral for lunch.  I then made 20 treat bags full of candy for the other people who participated, then all of the people who participate will have their name put into a hat and the winner gets the computer.  It should be fun!

 

I was honestly surprised at how many of my residents participated AND by how creative some of them have been.  I love it!  I spend many extra hours here doing “Game night”, BINGO, Holiday Dinners…..etc.  I drag the kids along with me and today I wish my kids could see the doors.  I know they too would be impressed.

 

Dane Update:

 

We have given him or her a name…….All dogs need a name.  Right?  The name is “Stellar”.  It seems to have stuck with Taryn…she always says, “Can I go with you to feed Stellar?”  So Stellar it is.

 

Taryn and I ventured into the woods looking for Stellar after we had fed him and waited about a half hour and didn’t see him.  We got poked, scratched and covered in little burs…..we finally saw him.  He ran, he was running along tall grass and I couldn’t really see his body.  I wanted to know maybe he was looking a little better…..I couldn’t tell.

 

It almost seems to me that fear is his most prevalent motivating factor right now, rather than hunger a week ago.  I can only hope that this week bring goods news with him.  I was lucky enough to get in contact with a Dane Rescue lady who is really trying to help.  Once I get him and get him past his 3 legal holding days I know I have the resources to help him. 

 

I spend a lot of time at home thinking of him, especially on cold nights.    I hope all goes well really soon with him.  In the mean time, I go twice or three times a day and feed him and give him water…….then sit and wait for a glimpse of him.  I just wish he would know I am not going to hurt him….

 

Laura

 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

 

This will be a busy day as there is a Hoop Fest at the older girls High School and Taryn and Jenna will be stepping twice today and Sierah and Taryn will be volunteering at the concessions and then basketball practice will follow.

 

I have been going to feed the Dane twice a day.  I give him a big bowl of dry food and a can of canned puppy food each visit.  He is drinking 3 liters of water a day.  At first he was hardly drinking it, now he is drinking all of it.  That is a good sign.

 

I didn’t see him this morning, but maybe I will this afternoon…..it worries me when I don’t see him.

 

I will let you know how it goes……it seems I have help lined up for the guy, if I could just catch him. 

 

I honestly am afraid to have Animal Care and Control come try to help for fear that he will run away and I wont be able to find him……The last I knew though, they wont come out for a stray dog unless you have caught it.  I wish I could, then I know I could help him.

 

I couldn’t help but think to myself about how lucky my dogs are.  They didnt start out lucky….All but one of them are dogs that came from shelters or rescues.  Each has come with a story and each and learned how to become a spoiled housedog in my care.  Despite living the good life with me, I don’t think they ever forget where they have been because it seems each one appreciates what I do for them.  (Some may think I am crazy for saying that, but I swear they do.)

 

I was watching TV last night, had a fire going in the fireplace, holding “Him black cat” (He rarely actually sits on my lap…) and looking around at my dogs…..while they lay all over the couches, in front of the fireplace and on my feet, tummies full, Murphy sleeping with his chin on his “woobie” (his stuffed animal he loves….it is in his picture with him)…..thinking of the Dane in the woods and how cold he must be……

 

If he would only let me near him, if I could only get him into my van……his whole life would change.  He would never know another hungry day or another cold night. 

 

I’ll just keep trying…

 

Laura

 

I went back to see about the Dane in the woods with the girls after the Doctor appointment…he surprised us because when we walked up the path….. he was laying right there and when he saw us he left as quickly as his boney body would carry him.   We were all about 10 feet from him.  I am sorry to say, he looked even worse that close.  I did get a glimpse of beautiful blue eyes though……they have such a soulful face. 

 

He had eaten everything I left him and again drank about half of the water.  I am sorry to say but I think it was a real eye opener for the girls.  It is one thing for someone to tell you about an animal in need…. and how skinny it is and it is another to actually see it.  You cant help but wonder how he got there, was he abandoned, had he been abused.  Had someone paid a nice price for him only to discover how much food he would actually eat then dumped him like garbage…. Seems a million things go thru your mind as you look at him. 

 

The second bowl of food we put down, Taryn volunteered to sit close by to see if he would come near her and we went back to the Van……she was about 5 feet away from him when he came to eat.  He ate, but was really scared and then finally left.  He went about 30 feet into the woods and was watching her.  I refilled his bowl and we left.  I will return tonight after work.  He will begin to associate me with food….eventually.  Watching him move thru the woods he almost appears like a dear…..other than the coloring. 

 

Seeing him prompted lots of questions from the girls…….”What will we do with him if we can get him?  How long do you think it will take us to catch him?  Etc.  It is obvious to me that this dog could easily carry about 160 or more pounds on his frame.  I would guess he is less than half of his idea body weight.  He may be 60-70 lbs……total skin and bones.

 

There is a large AKC dog show that will be here in town this next week.  About 5000 dogs and handlers come from all over the country.  If I have been lucky enough to catch him I will see if anyone is willing to help with him in some way.  In a network of dog show people there is always someone in that breed who does breed rescue.  I also contacted the Great Dane Association person for Indiana and I am waiting to hear back from her. 

 

I have called my Vet’s and explained the situation and they said to call when I catch him and I can bring him directly in.  If need be, my Vet will come to my house. 

 

Our plan is to keep him at my house (once we catch him) till I can find an alternative plan.  At least till I could fatten him up enough to move and have his health checked by the Vet.  I am at my limit for dogs.  I am sure something will work out….

 

Laura

 

Sierah update:  An MRI of each shoulder is being scheduled……

 

I have to admit yesterday was a way better day that the few days prior.  I did get called into the office of the guy I was worried might give me a hard time, and actually felt better after talking to him, but I DO feel he was doing lots of smoothing over and damage control with me.  He also told me that the Big Boss had asked him to talk with me.  (Humm)  At any rate, I am feeling better. 

 

My day as a whole was kind of strange….but better none the less.  After my hour meeting with “the guy.” I came back to my job and my buddy Tricia called me to check on me.  (As well as about 3 other people.)  Tricia and I decided to go to lunch and she would come here to pick me up…this differs than our normal routine.  We leave in the car and were not sure where we were going to eat and almost as we were passing Burger King she dips in.  She said, “I feel like Burger King”….well, Burger King it is.  Once we got our lunch we decide to park by the trees (a small wooded area) and eat our lunch while we look at the scenery.  After about 15 minutes of sitting there, we both notice something strange…out of the woods walks this beautiful harlequin Great Dane.  I say beautiful because I always thought they were stellar dogs, always admired them at the dogs shows, but always thought big dog = big poo…..Too big of a dog for me….I have enough poo to clean up already. 

 

Tricia is afraid of dogs so she immediately rolls up the window on my side, I immediately roll it down and at the same time we both noticed……it was starving.  You could see every bone in it’s body.  This poor thing…it broke my heart.  If i have never mentioned it before I have done animal rescue for years…….this dog was in serious trouble.

 

I had thrown out some French fries out of my window and made a little sound with my mouth trying to get its attention and it didn’t notice me, as soon as it did it headed the other direction….I got out of the car and followed him slowly into the woods.  When he sas me I squatted down but he turned and ran away.  He was obviously very afraid of humans…..

 

I left him half of my chicken sandwich and what was left of my French fries right in front of a path he had in the tall grass that leads into the woods.  Tricia and I waited and he reappeared and ran away again when I got out of the car.

 

When we finally left I decided that I would come back with dog food and water after work.  Tricia smiled and said, “I knew you would.”  I found myself thinking of the dog all day.  Lots of different things transpired with me and I still found myself thinking of that dog.  “How long would it survive being that thin?  How on earth did it get there?  Is it deaf, is that why it didn’t notice me at first?  What am I going to do with it, when I do catch it?” 

 

I somehow imagine it could be deaf or at least have only part of it’s hearing.  It is common for dogs that have white around their ears to be deaf in that ear.  He didn’t respond to my voice like a normal dog would.  Not even a sign of curiosity to the noise I made.

 

After work I went to the store and got a bag of dog food, two dog bowls, 2 cans of dog food, a big bottle of water and went back to the same spot.  All of the food I had left at lunch time was gone, no surprise there……I put the bowls down, filled them up, poured in the food, opened the can of dog food and put it on top of the dry….the whole time while whistling and calling for the dog.  (In the event he could hear, dogs never forget the sound of food pouring into a bowl….)  Nothing, no response, no dog……so I got back in the van and waited. …….nothing.  I was there for about half an hour and it was starting to turn dark.  I decided to leave and return in the morning and see if he returned during the evening to eat the food.  Even as I drove away….I turned to look….no big black and white dog anywhere….

 

I got up this morning and my first thoughts were of the dog in the woods.  All night honestly I had laid awake in bed thinking of this dog.  It is getting cold enough at night here to snow…..31 degrees last night.  A dog that thin does not have enough body fat to keep himself warm…..he will freeze to death.  I have a small window of time to be able to catch this dog before it is too late for him. 

 

As soon as I left the house I went straight to Burger King ….. 6:00AM……went into the woods and check the spot and the food was all gone.  Every drop, and about half of the water was gone.  I didn’t want to give him too much food and then cause him to bloat but today after I take the girls to the Doctor I will return with them, to see if we can get the dog.  He will return there now for sure.  He was so afraid…I have no idea how this is going to turn out but I am sure going to try to get him. 

 

Yesterday evening bought a mix of good and bad news.  The good news is that the guys had been working on my house all day and had gotten up my gutters, re-screened my front porch and done some other minor work.

 

I was shocked to see that the city had torn out my sidewalk along my house.  This side walk was in terrible shape and I contacted my city council man about 6 months ago and asked for it to be replaced.  He basically said, “I will see if I can get it in the bid package next year.”  (I just quit thinking about it and continued to mow the sidewalk all summer….yes, I said mow…..it was bad.)  Well, I am expecting to have new sidewalks when I get home today!  I am so excited! 

 

The bad news is Sierah was crying when I got home and Taryn said, “I don’t know what is wrong with her….”  I told them the story about the Dane in the woods and then asked her a million questions about why she was crying….she refused to tell me.  I followed her upstairs and talked to her for a while.  It turns out that her shoulder is killing her and she has lost most of her range of motion in it.  She was crying because she worked so hard at getting better at basketball all summer, knows they are going to have a great team this year only to have her shoulder give out on her…….her starting position will be filled by someone else.  Her being so hurt, broke my heart.  I explained to her that I understood how important basketball was to her, but her health comes first.  It didn’t help, the tears still flowed…….Today we will be going to the Doctor to see more about the shoulder and schedule the MRI.  Seems surgery may be just around the corner….

 

The last few days were full of high highs and low lows……..I did come out of this mess at work with one thing.  I will not quit my job.  I love my job.  Not only that, I was also surprised the fact that I was rallied around by people who actually really shocked me……shocked me by coming out of the woodwork to tell me I was doing the right thing.  A friend of mine yesterday told me that “I know what you have been through here the last few days may have been really uncomfortable for you, but you may have paved the way for the truth to be told.”  That surely was not my intention, but if that is the case…so be it.

 

I am hurt that Sierah is so hurt.  If there was a way for me to give her my shoulder and take hers with the damage…..I would.  I can only hope that the Doctor gives her a ray of hope today.  I just want her to be happy!  It breaks my heart to see her so hurt….

 

Maybe the Dane in the woods will come to Sierah or Taryn today…Kids have a way with dogs……I will let you know how it all goes.

 

Thank you to you guys who left kind words after my horrible day at work…..it is surprising at what a difference those words can make.  Thank you.


Laura

It was funny to me that the kid at the gas station thought I was a lawyer.  Well he is not a kid, I would guess him to be about 25 and he is always really friendly so I always chat with him.  One morning one of the other managers happened to be in there doing exactly what I was doing (getting a cappuccino before court) and when she went out the door she said, “I’ll see you in court Laura.”  That evidently was the lawyer seed that was planted in his brain.

 

I cant say I look like a lawyer, not that they must look a certain way, but it seems I can always tell who they are when I am in court……call me old fashion, but I always look a mans shoes and with women shoes and purse.  Lawyers generally have the nicer ones of all the people down there. 

 

Today I am dressed maybe more dressy than normal.  I am wearing black dress slacks, a chocolate suede button down shirt, black leather dress shoes and I have a nice sheer leopard print scarf around my neck, silver broach and herringbone.  My normal attire is a polo and khakis.  I am a casual person by nature.

 

After I got my paper and coffee and said my goodbyes he asked if he could ask me a legal question.  I said, “Legal question?…..about a landlord tenant issue?”  (Most of those I can answer)  He looked at me kind of puzzled and said, “Is that the type of lawyer you are?”  I laughed out loud.  I said, “Lawyer??  Where on earth did you get that idea?”  Then he told me……I said, “Oh no, I go to court to evict people, but I am not the lawyer.”  He felt silly……. so I told him what a great complement that was to me.  (Not really, but I felt bad that he felt bad….)  Still funny to me though.  Moving on…

 

The mouse saga continues:

 

“Him black cat” caught himself dinner last night.  He ate the mouse body leaving only the mouse booty and tail.  (Maybe that part isn’t as tasty)  Jenna brought me the news that the mouse booty and tail were on Devon’s bed.  I said, “Will you pick it up and flush it?  She said, “Unt ugh……YOU do it!”  I said, “Sure no problem so when I picked it up I proceeded to chase her around the upstairs with it while she screamed……She eventually ran into Sierah’s room and locked the door.  (next time she just might want to pick it up and flush it)  I  turned and looked for another victim……(*There she was*) ….Taryn……I took it in and acted like I was going to throw it on her and she screamed then asked, “What is it?”  I said, “Didn’t you do that backwards?”  LOL  Her reply was, “Mom, you BETTER not throw that on me.”  (She knows me too well.)  I acted like I was going to and then left because Taryn is subject to take it from me and throw it on me.  (That apple didn’t fall far from the tree)

 

We got home and there was Acacia in the kitchen squatted down with a little mouse under a glass bowl.  She had caught the mouse.  DING!  (Acacia’s mouse number 2!)  This one was actually running around and she caught it under a bowl.  Acacia is not afraid of bugs, mice, snakes…..nothing like that….plus she is fast.  When she was little, she was fascinated by worms.  While gardening if I came across a worm I always had to call her over and she had to pick it up and observe it, carry it around for a while and then put it back.  The other girls would look at her and say, ew! 

 

She wanted to know what to do with the little bugger so I said, take it on the other side of the alley and throw it in the field…..bet that little sucker made a B-Line straight back for the house.  Here we go again. 

 

Not sure if it is the same stupid mouse, but if not it was obviously genetically linked to the last “not smarter than the average bear” one who got stuck in the Wal-Mart bag.  My luck I have an entire family of stupid mice and this will result in more mouse stories…..ugh.  Maybe if I don’t feed “Him” for a couple days he will eat em all up….now there is an idea.

 

Laura

 

I have had a melt down of sorts plus just been plain old busy.  This weekend contained two performances at half times for Jenna and Taryn, Devon having his buddy Matt stay the night and Sierah’s 17th birthday.

 

I think back to 17 years ago today and my life had taken the biggest change it had or will ever have taken.  I became a Mother.  It is the best thing that has ever happened to me.   I love being a Mother more than anything in the world.  These last 17 years, have been the most rewarding in my life!

 

Watching Taryn and Jenna perform made me cry.  The group of girls as a whole was much better than I expected and watching Jenna try to maneuver past being so shy surely brought the tears.  She has been painfully shy her entire life.  She has an angelic singing voice but refuses to sing in front of anyone due to her shyness.  I remember once at a parent teacher conference she broke out into tears when the teacher called her into the room.  While performing yesterday she was grinning and had her face tipped kind of to the side and down a bit…to avoid eye contact with anyone I guess.  (What ever works, right?)  Taryn is more of a showman but dancing has never been her forte.  (A tad bit lacking in the rhythm department…but stepping for her seemed natural.)  I was proud of them both.

 

Ms. Sierah turned 17 yesterday.  I started her day off with me fulfilling a request of her.  Breakfast out alone with Mom.  We had a nice time and then did a little shopping.  She had to work the majority of the day then as soon as she got home, she went out to eat with Grandma and Grandpa and then out for the evening with friends. 

 

Her biggest surprise came from the boyfriend…Marcus the dork!  J  He persuaded his Aunt Tricia to drive about 5 hours to bring him home to surprise Sierah. (I CAN keep a secret Tricia) When they got him in town Sierah was at work.  She evidently was working at the register at the front of the store.  He came up behind her and said “psssssst!”  She turned around and there he was, handed her a rose and said “Happy Birthday!”  ………..When she told me I said, “Awh, Did you cry?”  She said, “No, but I was so overwhelmed my eyes watered.”  I said, “Baby, I think that constitutes crying happy tears…!”  Thank you Marcus for making her happy on her birthday.  The roses are beautiful.  I guess we will keep you!  :o)~

 

I bought her a couple small items and gave her a card telling her that I would be giving her the Jeep.  (NOT to be outdone by the dork!  J)  Just kidding Marcus you know I love U!  (I may never see her again after the title is transferred into her name!) 

 

I spent Friday in a whirlwind at work behind that mess I spoke about last week.  I am standing to my convictions even if that means I have to update my resume.  I am not sure what will come of all of this, but what is right is right and what is wrong is wrong.  I will not be drug thru the gray area.  While the incident is fresh in my mind I will be writing it all down…I may need to refer to it at a later date.

 

I did decide to cut my hair.  I had it done on my day off.  They cut 12 inches off, so now it is to my shoulders in long layers.  My children seemed most shocked.  I showed up at basketball practice and Sierah kept saying, “Mom, Mom Mom…..OMG!”  To me, I am just glad it is shorter….!  Maybe even going shorter the next time! 

 

I hate it but it is now officially time for me to retire my flip flops for the year.  (Although I do still continue to wear them around the house)  It has gotten so damn cold and wet all of a sudden. (The thought of turning my heat on makes me shutter…..) I have to admit though; the colors of the trees this year have been extraordinary.  Today will include a walk at the park with Bear.

 

It is time for me to go home, make a fire in the fireplace and cook the kids breakfast…maybe I will get to spend a little bit of time today with the Birthday girl….”Oh no, I forgot the Marcus is in town…cancel those plans…maybe next week, after he goes home!” 

 

Have a good one! 

 

Laura

 

Boy did I enjoy my day off yesterday.  I can’t say I did anything spectacular, but I did get a chance to enjoy one of the last nice Fall days of the year.  In Indiana often by Halloween time it is cold as h*ll and kids who are trick or treating are bundled up in winter coats going door to door.  I can remember a few Halloweens were snow was flying……ugh. 

 

Yesterday was beautiful.  It was 70 degrees, sunny and slightly breezy.  I opened up my house and cleaned, the dogs played in the yard and I enjoyed some down time alone.  I needed it.

 

Sierah had a Doctor appointment with the Orthopedic Doctor and I always enjoy this guy.  He is young, (young to me) really personable and always interested in Sierah and basketball.  He runs the Sports Clinic for athletes for this large orthopedics office.  Yesterday he had two other Doctors with him.  (One was kind of cute……Sierah said he was a dork….hum…well maybe!)  Anyway she got her normal shot in each arm of cortazone (sp?) and he asked lots of questions about her team this year, etc.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he showed up at one of her games….or followed her in the paper.  She doesn’t think so, but I do!  J  Really great guy!

 

The bad news yesterday was the fact that he feels after this ball season she needs an MRI and maybe exploratory surgery to see the extent of damage and possible corrective surgery.  (Torn cartilage and something else)  She wasn’t happy to hear she may miss the baseball season.  I told her that baseball was not “your sport” and that being better for basketball next year was key.  Basketball inevitably will be her ticket to College if we can keep her healthy……sometimes it seems hard for me to make her understand that. 

 

Not only is she an outstanding athlete but she is great academically and that is key to a full ride at a division I school.  Her friend Danielle and former teammate got a full ride to Notre Dame this year for those two reasons…..(GO Danny!)  Temple University was already asking about Sierah last season…..the next two years will bring lots more interest!  *think- stay healthy*

 

The issue at work is not resolved yet, but I did receive an email in my absence yesterday that WAS interesting…..basically implementing the person I was worried about.  I am going to let it rest and hope my boss does too, but man…..I really dislike being put in those situations.

 

I had a chance to visit my cousin at a house she bought and is remodeling and will be then selling for profit.  For about two years I have been interesting in “flipping” houses.  We can buy houses on back taxes here, wait a year…then you own it.  Next year I will be doing this.  I mean, I potentially could early in one day what I normally earn in a year.  Why wouldn’t I?  I will spend the next year studying some real estate laws, etc…..but I do plan on doing it! 

 

Well, due to the fact I played hooky yesterday….I need to get my a** in gear today and get some work done. 

Forecast today:  High of 55 and 60 % chance of rain.    Glad I took yesterday off!

 

Hope you have a good one today guys!

 

L

Due to the fact I am being pulled in so many directions today i am unable to BLOG, BUT I did want to take a moment to brag on two of my children who outdid themselves this week!

 

FIRST!~  Ms Taryn told me yesterday that she has the highest A in Biology class and the teacher is asking her to take honors Biology next semester!  Way to go Taryn.  I know being a Freshman in such a big school has to be hard in so many ways…….I am proud of you for not only keeping it together but for going above and beyond!

 

SECONDLY~ Ms. Sierah was voted (By her Science teacher) the "Science Rising Star".  She had the highest test score this week in Micro Biology and Zoology.  Sierah I am proud of you for all you do!

 

Way to go ladies!

 

I love you!

Mom 

 

My Mother wasn’t afraid to die. 

 

She had a “near death” experience when she had her first cancer surgery to removed one of her breasts.  She said during her surgery she had an out of body experience… During the surgery her spirit lifted to the top of the room, she could view what was happening below (herself on the table being operated on) and she also witness something key.  Our long time family Doctor, and family friend had unexpectedly stepped in the room during surgery (now chief of staff at the hospital).  Upon seeing the Doctor the following day and telling him…he was at a loss for words. 

 

My Mother told all of us that during that surgery she was comforted by my brother Lenny who appeared to her and (who had been killed that year by a drunk driver) she said he told her “everything would be okay and that it wasnt her time.”  She said he was there with her, she could hear his voice….see a vision of him.    She didn’t care who believed her…she knew it happened and it gave her comfort.

 

When she came out of surgery she told all of about this experience.  She was so adamant about it; that it was hard for anyone to doubt her.  She said she was no longer afraid to die. 

 

The whole thing broke my heart, listening to my Mother (my best friend) reach a place in herself where she would be okay to die…..They had given her less than a year to live…..and hearing her talk about my brother, who I missed so desperately.  It was all so horriable.

 

When my Mother did pass it was the hardest thing I have ever been thru in my life.  The night she finally stopped fighting, the hospice nurse had called and asked me to come say good-bye to my Mother.  Eventually everyone left the house that night, except for me and I picked up a photo album and despite knowing she was in a coma… I still decided to look at the photos and talk to her about all the happy memories of my childhood.  Our family, camping, Marching Band….etc.

 

During that time I asked her to try to move her had if she could just hear me…so I would know she could hear me…..she moved her had for the remaining 3 hours I was there….Before I left the house that night I asked her to please somehow let me know….to let me know she was okay, when she was gone.  I told her that I would always take care of my older sister (her one request of me) and I then asked her to let go….”Mommy, please let go….I promise I will be okay.  You have suffered for so long…please let go.”  I knew in her heart she was holding on for me……  She died in her sleep later that night.

 

In the wake of her loss I found myself in so much pain, I was unable to function. How was I going to take care of 3 small children if I was unable to take care of myself?  I was devastated.  I wasn’t sure if I could continue on.

 

For weeks after my Mother’s death I ate almost nothing, didn’t care what I looked like, rarely bathed, wouldnt answer the phone, didnt do anything normal…just cried….Sierah was 3 at the time and the twins were 6 months old.  I finally, after about 3 weeks made my way to the store…only to leave the store and forget my groceries.  I went back and got them…. cried all the way home.  I couldn’t imagine how I was going to continue….I couldn’t get it together.

 

When we got back to the apartment, Sierah ran thru the hallway door ahead of me.  We lived in an upstairs apartment and the hall was kind of dimly lit and had wide open stairs……I was holding two baby seats in my arms, trying to struggle thru the door.  Sierah reached the apartment door as I reached the bottom of the stairs, she got to the door and I said, “Wait, Mommy has to unlock the door…”  She turned back around, turned the door handle and the door flew open… in my jumbled, grieving mind, had I forgotten to lock the door?….

 

Just then, a breeze flowed down the stairs from the open doorway above and I swear it was like it somehow penetrated every pore of my body…..I knew in an instant it was somehow my Mother.  I could feel her inside of my soul, lifting my spirit, I could smell her perfume, it was as if my body was a sponge and I could feel the air rushing straight thru the very essence of my being….I was almost unable to force out enough air to breath…….it were as if time had stopped…..my Mother was somehow inside of me mending my broken spirit.  She was right there, right with me……some how, some way. 

 

When the breeze stopped I realized Sierah had gone into the apartment and I had sat down the babies car seats.  I was froze, almost unable to move.  I picked them up and slowing went up the stairs.  It was as if I could feel strength inside of me building…….she without question, had somehow given me strength to carry on.

 

The remainder of the day I spent doing things I had not done in weeks, cleaning, actually cooking, bathing, playing with my children……etc.  I knew I was going to be able to get past it and I would find strength within myself to carry on.

 

That evening I tucked Sierah in bed and read her a story.  As usual I got into my bed and this was the first night in weeks I hadn’t cried myself to sleep.  Only to be awaken at about 5AM by Sierah standing next to my bed patting my arm.  She was saying, “Mommy, Mommy…..wake up.”  I swung my feet out of bed and took her hand and lead her back to her room…I said, “Get back in bed, you need to go back to sleep”, tucked her back in and gave her a kiss.   She said, “But Mommy…..Grandma Neumann was here…..” I paused and said, “No baby, Grandma Neumann is in heaven…..”  She said, “Mommy, Grandma Neumann sat on my bed and sang my A B C’s with me…….” I began to cry….she said, “She told me she loved me and to tell you, everything was going to be alright.”  I crumbled….I dropped to my knees and laid my head over Sierah’s heart……I said,”Oh Mom”…tears rolling….”Thank you…”

 

For what it’s worth, I DO believe. 

 

I believe my Mother somehow came to me that day…. mending my broken soul so I could continue on with my life…for myself and my children.  I do believe my Mother came to my daughter that night and delivered a message to me, thru her, that I wouldn’t of believed, had it been sent any other way.

 

It was her way, of fulfilling my last request.  To this day, I have no fear of death.  I know that I will again see my Mother…..and all of the other people I have lost.  At this moment, as I write this…I know my Mother is with me.

 

She always has been, and always will be.

 

I do believe…

I get on my computer today, leave some messages, check out my favorite blogs, etc.  I then decided to look at my statistics and see who has been visiting and not leaving comments.  (See who sneaks in and out the back door when I am not looking)… I have 3 recent searches…those I always look at to see what type of perverted search brings someone to my Blog.  I hate to say perverted, but it never seems like a normal search brings anyone here.  The 3 searches that brought random people to my site in the last 24 hours are as follows:  Drum roll please…..

 

1.  “Old men for young ladies in NC.”

2.  “Dentures for dogs funny.”

3.  “Big head dogs.”

 

I understand how key word searches work but I can’t help but read these and say WTF???  I mean I had a million hits on the word “naked” when I wrote about “Naked Frat Boys.”  Seems there are a million people up in the middle of the night looking naked people, but “Dentures for dogs”…….do they MAKE those?  I laughed out loud when I read that.  Dentures for dogs……that is some funny stuff right there!  *shakes head*  Classic.

 

The keyword searches do often make me leery though because I was going to write about an incident that happened a while ago that involved the Grand-poo-pah-hoo-pa (Whatever you call that idiot) of the *K* (three k’s together) Then I thought of the keyword search…. did I want all of THEM here sniffing around my space?  NO.  I chose not to write about that “crazy crap” that happened to me, for that reason alone.  Maybe another day….My girlfriend got into a fight (word slinging fight) in a chat room with one of “those guys” once and he sent her a virus that melted her hard drive…..b*stard.  (Obviously has way too much time on his hands……) Moving on…*eye roll*

 

It seems I often find myself observing something or remembering something and then think, “I’m going to write about that in my blog.”  Then I think to myself…. I have seriously become a Blog dork.  I talked to a Hospice nurse at work the other day and immediately thought about Darlene…….”Hello, my name is Laura and I AM a Blog dork.”  Seriously, I think it IS a condition and I have it.  Twenty years from now, if we still have Social Security Disablity, people will be trying to get a check for being “Blog-crazy.”  (I will be first one off the short bus and first in line!) 

 

That reminds me, yesterday I got one of those crazy emails you open, only to discover too late that it is inappropriate, and then find you are unable to close it.  I was at work of coarse…(Thanks Tina)…. the email was titled “Endless hours of entertainment.”  She had sent it to her husband, brother in law, a few random friends of ours and me.  I didn’t think anything of it…….opened it.  There were about 5 normal looking people standing in a row and at the top of the page it said, “Move curser over person”……I followed directions…at first nothing happened…then it worked…<BAM> no clothes.  Okay, it was funny and I laughed, but when I pushed the little X at the top right hand side of my page to make it go away, nothing happened… other than the naked woman on the page stood there as though she was staring in defiance at me.  There she was, froze on my screen, naked as a jay-bird, as my computer locked up!  I quickly moved my body to try to cover up my computer screen…..I don’t think it worked.    Ahhhhhhhh!!

 

The true problem here is the fact that despite being the manager, and having no one higher than me on the corporate ladder working in this office with me…….my office is a freekin fish bowl.  Two of my 5 large windows face directly into the lobby of my building.  The lobby seems always to be lined with people who have nothing better to do than watch what I am doing all day……..today it would appear, that they would be watching me, looking at naked ladies.  Lol  *This cant be good.

 

I promise NOTHING worked so I had to hit CTRL< ALT <DELETE.  Shut down the whole d*mn computer. I think I felt sweat bead up on my top lip….panic sat in…..Ahhhhhhhhhh…..”Go away naked lady email!!!!!”    I shout at the computer…….boom, it finally shut down.  Black screen……phew.  <Sigh.>  I turn to look to see WHO seen that email drama, and there was only one resident who wears bottle bottom glasses and cant see his own hand in front of his face sitting on the couch looking into my office, happily picking his nose…(Hey! Dont wipe that on the couch!  ew)..no one noticed…..Thank God!

 

PHEW!

 

Tina, I will get you back! 

 

That was SO not funny!  :o)

 

me